Thursday, May 15, 2008

Pain and Condoms

Alas, gentle readers, 'tis not the theme of the previous weekend--like "Hookers and Blow" or "Blood and Semen" (what? not mixed together). Anyway, these are two things that I have come to despise over the past few years.

You see, some asshole, somewhere, decided that every patient needs to be assessed for pain every four hours then re-assessed within one hour if given pain medicine. Nurse Soobee summarizes it quite nicely but, I forget how exactly she words it so I'll try to paraphrase.
*No doctor is going to assess all their patients every four hours (and re-assess).
*It has come down from on high that q4 hour assessments must be done.
*Ergo, it becomes one more responsibility for the (underpaid) nurse.

Personally, I think it's bullshit. I'm a big boy. If I'm having pain I'm mature enough to use the call light and ask for some pain meds. Why can't everybody else?

The latter.

I hate condoms.
I loathe condoms.
I despise condoms.
Quite frankly I would rather masturbate than have sex with a condom--because it feels better. I mean, I'm taking a piece of rubber and putting it over the most sensitive part. I estimate about a 90% reduction in feeling. Ladies, let me try to put it into perspective. Imagine you ask your partner to go down on you. "Sure," they say, but first let me lay down this sheet of rubber that is going to reduce the total available sensation to about 10% of what it could be. Would you still want to do it?

/end rant


Heather said...

I agree about the pain reassessment.

As for the others...I really have no words.

Janet said...


put a few drops of lube on the INSIDE of the condom before you put it on. Makes a huge difference.

not that I'd know anything about that, of course...

Spyder said...

If you put lube on the inside what stops it from sliding off while you're getting off?

Janet said...

just a few drops in the tip, that's all. there isn't any around the base.

we had to use them while I was nursing the babies. that truly sucked.