Saturday, November 1, 2008

Smo says I don't blog enough...

So here ya go! This is full of so much win

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Of Dating and Pizza


Lovely janet--sadly, yes, I was more impressed with the sausage. Don't get me wrong. She was super nice and very easy to talk to there was just ne sais quoi. My dad always says, "Kissin' don't last. Cookin' do." or, more eloquently, "Sic transit gloria." Perhaps we'll see each other again.

H-train--I almost linked blood sausage but, I figured those truly intrigued would take the time to google it. Glad you did.
I'm a big fan of "No Reservations" and "Bizarre Foods" and they're always eating weird shit like that so, lately, I've come to be more experimental in my restaraunt and food choices. So far so good. And speaking of google

Cuil is cool. Give it a shot when google doesn't give you what you want.

Date 2.
We met at Spin pizza, talked for a little, ate pizza, went home. Physically much more attractive than the first date but, harder to talk to--I would almost say she bordered on arrogant. Plus, she doesn't like beer OR coffee. My sis' and dad say she was probably just nervous and it came off as arrogant. "You should give her another chance." Perhaps I will.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Of Blood sausage and Dating

Believe the rumours, yours truly has been dating.
Two dates, to be precise, with two different women.

The first.
I hate to paraphrase Elaine from Seinfeld when she said, "No, I mentioned the bisque" but, let me refer you to the title and say I mentioned the blood sausage. Not to imply that we played couch rugby--we didn't but, I came home more impressed with the fact that I had not only tried blood sausage but thoroughly enjoyed it. We went to La Bodega, had blood sausage, went to Starbucks, yadda yadda yadda, I'm writing about it now.

It's a start.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Palin Comparison

I had this whole "pale in" comparison play on words thing to go off on but...meh that takes too much energy. Let me just say that I agree with GB: she can go back to Alaska. Seriously, what was Fred Thompson thinking when he endorsed her by saying she could "field dress a moose." That was specifically aimed at a particular portion of the population...
...the same portion that likes NASCAR.
...that has a HS Diploma or less.
...that would never, ever, have had enough money to worry about the inheritance tax but is still glad it's gone.
...etc., etc. blabbity blah

I'm very angry lately. I think it's my new job. And this string of really bad commercials lately. Is it just me? There's commercials telling us that:
"America is a consumer society"
"Consume more"
"Wal-Mart is great, buy more Mall-Wart"
"This car gets 30mpg highway"

Really, 30mpg?! OMFG that's amazing!!!11eleventy1! What? 40-50mpg should be the bare minimum. Hell, my eight year old truck with 105k plus miles on it gets 28mpg in town. A recent conversation with a co-worker yielded this little gem, (re: gas consumption/driving an SUV) "Yes, but I pay the same price per gallon as you." That's true, but you drive a gas guzzling SUV to and from work and your rate of consumption for this non-renewable resource is easily 3-4 times that of mine. You're using more than your fair share to do the same job.

Did we not learn anything from the 70s?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they don't get enough to eat

From god,
I can't believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
cause they can't make opinions meet,
About god,
I can't believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too?!

Dear god,
Don't know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
As crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it aint and so do you,
Dear god,
I can't believe in,
I don't believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You're always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebody's unholy hoax,
And if you're up there you'll perceive,
That my heart's here upon my sleeve.
If there's one thing I don't believe in...

Its you,
Dear god.

"Dear God" Music and lyrics by XTC

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Good job

Congratulations, a pat on the back, and this "Laurel and Hardy" handshake to my friends Carissa Gump (hey Pooky!) and Natalie Woolfolk (and everyone else on the US Olympic Weightlifting team) for a job well done in Beijing. If you (and Zack) make the team in 2012 then I'll definitely make the trip to London.

Another "good job" to whomever made this vid. Found it on

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Picanha and Fraldinha

Last night I went to Em Chamas for a nice birthday dinner. Delicious. Incredible. Un-fucking-believable. I've been one time before (last summer after I passed state boards) and have been dreaming about it ever since. If you like grilled meats then you'll like Em Chamas (unless you're some weird pinko commie vegetarian). Hell, even my non-adventerous brother-in-law liked it.
Anyway, the basic concept is you pay one price ($30) for a gourmet all you can eat appetizer/salad bar and as much grilled meat as you can eat--beef, lamb, turkey, pork, sausage, salmon, chicken. All the meat is served to you at the table, sliced right off the skewer and onto your plate.

Random grumblings.
Just me, but I think the Olympics lost a little something when they added:
Horseback Riding (unless they give the medals to the horse)
2 kinds of Volleyball (they can keep womens sand V-ball though)

Oh yes, FYI

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Yes, it's true. I had some serious chigger bites on my under carriage last week. Bad enough that I got slightly worried when the lymph nodes in my groin swelled up and hurt just to touch.

I love the Olympics. Have ever since I was a kid--the pageantry, the pomp, the back stories that tug at your heart strings. I believe that sport can, and many times does, transcend politics. That being said, I kinda wished the entire world had let the Chinese spend all that time and effort and money building all that infra-structure and then everyone had boycotted. Then again, I watched the opening ceremony last night and they were awesome. On the other other hand, to put it bluntly, China is an economic, cultural, and population juggernaut.

More ouch!
I was at the gym earlier today and spotted some young guy doing a lift incorrectly so I went over to help with some friendly free advice. Unfortunately, he was a dumb athlete and failed to let go of the bar when it started to come down. The bar was overhead, he held onto it as it came down in front of him, and both his hands got pinched between the bar ( total weight ~60kgs) and the bench. First I thought he might come out okay, then I looked at his hand. His left thumb had a good two inch long gash that went down to the bone. I quickly took my towel and squeezed it onto the wound. I walked him over the a clear area and had him lay down. A cursory glance at his other hand showed a missing finger nail. All in all not too bad. I grabbed another towel and told him to make a fist with that hand to put pressure on that finger tip. After I bandaged up his thumb with the gym's first aid kit I took another look at the finger. When I peeled back the towel the little flap of skin holding on the nail came off in the towel. The sight I beheld will haunt me for the next few hours. It looked like the tip of his finger had been chewed off by some rat. I could see the ragged edge of what was once the tip of his finger and a little tip of bone poking through the raw meat. Whew! I wrapped it up quick with some gauze 4x4s and cotton wrap.
Last I saw him he was headed to the nearest ER.

I did something similar several years back (cause all athletes are dumb sometimes) but I managed to luck out. Long story short I dropped a 140kg barbell on my knee when I missed a jerk at a local weightlifting competition. Got away with just a bruise but could have very easily sheared off my patellar tendon. Live and learn I guess.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Playing Catch-up

Jeebus, I suck a blogging. Anyway...

Beer and Batman.

I went and saw the new Batman on opening night. Loved it. Now, some people are talking "Oscar" for our dearly departed Heath but, in my humble opinion it wasn't that good. Don't get me wrong, he was great as "The Joker" and played it to the hilt but, I think all this speculation is 'cause went and got himself dead.

Does this mean Budweiser is an import and now I can drink it? Naaah. Drinking Budweiser is like having sex in a canoe--it's fucking close to water. (Ba-dump Ching) I don't really like Bud but, I feel for the employees and the city of STL. I mean ultimately it was a dick move on the part of A. Busch to make a little more money by selling off some stock. Because we all know you can't make it in the good ol' US of A on only 7 figures a year. He sold off enough stock so that the family was no longer the controlling interest in the company and the tricky dicky Dutch company UniBev went and bought it. Whatever. I don't like Bud and I rarely drink it but, as a homebrewer I do have to give the brewers props for turning out millions of bottles of beer that all taste exactly the same. That's some serious quality control.

Beer and Ambien.
Not so juicy a story. After working the night shift for about 2 and 1/2 years I made the switch to days when I moved to the ER. Well..kind of "days," I work the split shift from 11AM to 11PM. Anyway, knowing that even when I'm tired I rarely fall asleep before 6 or 7 in the morning I got a Rx for some Ambien. Here's how it went down. I worked Sat. night from 7PM to 7AM. Got home Sunday morning and forced myself to stay awake until 11. Went to sleep at 11AM and got up at 3PM. Stayed awake the rest of the evening. Had a few beers, watched some TV then popped an Ambien at 11PM. Slept from midnight 'till 4AM then sat bolt upright like I had just drank a Venti double shot. I then watched infomercials until time to go to work at 11AM on Monday. What a crock of shit. Ambien is the suxors.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


This past weekend I was appalled.

A fellow nurse treated a patient with such disrespect and with such apathy as to border on contempt. The tone of voice, the attitude, the rolling of the eyes, the fake exasperated sigh: I don't think the RN touched him all night, not even with a stethoscope. Hell, I had to go over and put his leg back in bed after it had become lodged between the mattress and the metal side rail.

After a brief perusal of this patient's chart, the only pertinent medical history I could find was Parkinson's Disease.

I began to wonder, why even become a nurse if you, seemingly, hate your patients? Then, fighting back tears, I began to wonder what if my dad had to go to the ER? What if my dad had to go to this same ER? What if he had this particular RN? Would he be treated the same?

A few days ago, just before leaving for work, I found out my dad has Parkinson's. Looking back, it started a year ago with an occasional twitch in the right hand and progressing over a few months to a shaking in the right arm. In the past month he has progressed to a rhythmic spasm on the entire right side of his body in what I can only assume is the swan song of his motor neurons.

Why him?
A devoted family man who loved and provided for his family
Deployed overseas multiple times
Served his country in two wars
Attends church regularly
Ministers to families with loved ones serving in Iraq
The list goes on....

If you're not already an agnostic or an atheist it's shit like this that leads you to it.

So tonight I'm off work and we're getting together as a family--my sister doesn't know yet.
H.C., I hope you'll understand if I can't make it to the shindig. Perhaps another time.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Thank You Continental Congress...

"That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."
--The Declaration of Independence

..if only we had such courage today.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Glitter and Doom

Just got back from STL (St. Louis)--I love that city. So many neat little areas all around the city. Distinct but harmonious. There's the Italian section, the German, Dutch, Serbo-Croatian, Vietnamese and Thai. Each with their own little neighborhood and restaurants and markets. I should move there.
I went to see Tom Waits in concert at the Fox Theater. Now, it just so happens that my bitch ex is also a big Tom Waits fan and a fan of a certain Vietnamese restaurant just down the street from the venue. However, I wasn't going to let that ruin a night of good food and good music. At the risk of running into her at one or both locations I went anyway. Totally worth it. The food was delicious and everything that I remembered.

As for Tom Waits? Awesome! What a performance. Imagine a carnival barker, a train hopping hobo, and an eccentric hermit all rolled up into one person with a talent for music equivalent to a Van Gogh or a Picasso. Now have that person attack the music with chains and a hacksaw. That's a pretty good starting point for Tom. I wax poetic but, I'm a fan and that's just my opinion. Here's a nice little video another fan did for one of his songs (one of my favorite songs I might add). I'd call it a good Tom Waits starter.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Good advice

In an ongoing effort to help out any faithful readers, I will start posting helpful workout tidbits that I have gleaned over the past decade. I can't be a cynical pessimist all the time.

Generally Speaking
1.) Do exercises that require lots of technique first in the workout. Doing exercises that require lots of physical and mental energy late in the workout increases the risk of injury.
2.) Choose multi-joint multi-muscle exercises over single-joint single-muscle exercises. I.e. stay away from dumbbell bicep curls and do Chin Ups instead.
3.) Take off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror; with the exception of your abdominals, choose exercises that train all the muscles you can't see more than the muscles you can see.
4.) Endeavor to make the majority of your training ground based. The overwhelming majority of the exercises you choose should require that you stand on your feet and balance both yourself and the implement you're lifting. Fire immediately any personal trainer that has you sit down on a machine to work out.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Interesting characters and encounters...

...I've met thus far in the Emergency Room

Frau Blucher (hears whinny in background)

So this young man comes into the ER. He calls 911 at 2:00 in the AM complaining of chest pain and difficulty breathing. Yikes! EMS arrives and starts an IV and fluid bolus, gets him in the truck, rushes him to the hospital, etc., etc. About half-way to the hospital, although he does actually have an elevated heart rate and elevated blood pressure, he tells them he lied. He just needed his prescriptions refilled and knew that if he went to the ER we would write new ones for him. WTF?

3:00 AM. A young lady comes to the ER for....

wait for it....

wait for it....

A boil on her ass. Woot!

Both of these twats are?
a) responsible, working, productive young adults
b) could have waited to see a general practitioner during normal office hours
c) on the public dole and wasting your tax dollars
If you guessed "b" and "c" you're correct! Tell 'em what they've won Johnny!

More to come I'm sure.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Really? *sigh*

Just finished my first week at my new job (or "jorb" if you're a Homestar Runner fan).
So far...meh.
The situation is partially my fault because I allowed it to happen; but, in my defense, I don't want to come off as "that guy" before I'm even out of orientation. Also, my preceptor is, apparently, a former RN school instructor so she may be automatically taking on that role. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, there are several factors at work here. That being said.....

Earlier this morning, we get orders from the Doc for the antibiotic Flagyl and she asks me, "Now, have you ever given Flagyl before?" Jesus christ on a popsicle stick, really?! Now, in the grand scheme of things I haven't been a nurse for very long but, I have been a nurse.

More to come I'm sure.

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Me, them and him, and him.

Long story short, Thursday night I foolishly wiped off some transdermal nitroglycerin paste with my bare hands. Right about the time the doc starts relating to me a similar story about his resident and her subsequent splitting headache I notice I have a splitting headache. Then I start to feel really light headed. Then I start to sweat.
Idiot. Lesson learned.

Them and him.
I get a transfer from another, similar, floor in the hospital--a floor that should be able to take a nitro drip (them). The doc says he feels more comfortable with the patient on our floor and we're closer to the ICU(him). Now, in a certain sense, I find that flattering. We are "ICU-lite" and the night shift is staffed with a bunch of bad ass nurses and techs but still...
Either the patient is stable and they should stay put or they're crumping and they belong in the ICU. Physical proximity is a moot point--our hospital has elevators.

Stupid, dumb-fuck, pro baseball scout. A scout for the local pro baseball team recently came out to take a look at one of the athletes I help train. This kid (Zeus) is a bad ass. Not only does he have the requisite athletic prowess but he's also a genuinely nice guy.
To the point. The scout says he has a good chance of going pro and they want him to play with one of their minor league feeder teams this summer. But, he needs to quit doing so much weight training 'cause they want him to "lean out and get more fluid [when he moves]" What. The. Fuck?! The power to run fast, to jump high, to swing a bat, and to throw a ball comes from the hips. This guys hips can Clean and Jerk 150kgs.
Let's compare him to that red-headed step child from the STL Cardinals. Back when Mark McGwire was hitting all those home runs the magazine Muscular Development did a feature article on him. (I remember specifically because some friends of mine were writing for them at the time) Anyway, the article mentioned how Mark was able to Clean 250lbs. Wow!
Not really. For those of you not familiar with metrics, that's about 112.5 kilos. Significantly less than 150. This scout is some paid lackey with no background in exercise science/athletic training/sport specific conditioning who probably still believes in that ol' "muscle bound" theory.
Dumbfuck idiot.

I changed my time stamp to GMT +1 hour....for all my homies in Bruge.


Gross. (And I clean up other peoples shit professionally)

Recently, whenever I took a shower, the drain in the garage backs up and I got a little lake just inside the door to my back yard. No big thing right? It eventually drains. However, a few days ago I noticed what appeared to be pieces of toilet paper around the drain. So I called the friendly plumber to come out and snake my main line (damn, you'd think I was writing a plot summary for gay porn). Anyway, plumber comes out this morning and does the old roto-rooter bit, runs the shower while he's doing it, minor bit of lake in the garage, etc., etc.

After he leaves, I go out to try and rinse the accumulated detritus down the drain. Lo and behold, I see/smell something that must have come from the hoary netherparts of a cheap hooker. A mass of sludge-y, foul, foulness and...
Corn kernels.
Someone else's undigested corn kernels.
Someone else's nasty, undigested corn poopies.

I'm almost too tired to be upset.

Earlier this morning I sent a patient to the ICU. I'd say I had a fairly busy night contending with this patient. Much heartfelt thanks to all my co-workers especially Bram, SM, and Soobee for taking care of my other patients during crunch time.

'Nuff said.

*to be said out loud like that crazy soccer announcer "goooooooaaaaalllll"

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Pain and Condoms

Alas, gentle readers, 'tis not the theme of the previous weekend--like "Hookers and Blow" or "Blood and Semen" (what? not mixed together). Anyway, these are two things that I have come to despise over the past few years.

You see, some asshole, somewhere, decided that every patient needs to be assessed for pain every four hours then re-assessed within one hour if given pain medicine. Nurse Soobee summarizes it quite nicely but, I forget how exactly she words it so I'll try to paraphrase.
*No doctor is going to assess all their patients every four hours (and re-assess).
*It has come down from on high that q4 hour assessments must be done.
*Ergo, it becomes one more responsibility for the (underpaid) nurse.

Personally, I think it's bullshit. I'm a big boy. If I'm having pain I'm mature enough to use the call light and ask for some pain meds. Why can't everybody else?

The latter.

I hate condoms.
I loathe condoms.
I despise condoms.
Quite frankly I would rather masturbate than have sex with a condom--because it feels better. I mean, I'm taking a piece of rubber and putting it over the most sensitive part. I estimate about a 90% reduction in feeling. Ladies, let me try to put it into perspective. Imagine you ask your partner to go down on you. "Sure," they say, but first let me lay down this sheet of rubber that is going to reduce the total available sensation to about 10% of what it could be. Would you still want to do it?

/end rant

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Mid week gather

...I'm pretty sure she nicked the tip*

Several of the regulars met at H-train's last night (Tweener, No nickname, Indy, She who saved us from Nubbins, etc) for a cookout. I can't seem to recall the reason why but, we had one. Smo, the lovely and talented preceptor chose not to attend. The wench.

Twas a good time had by all with a whole lot of airing of night shift gossip.

Hopefully all the same, and a few more, will get together in a few weeks for a going away party. One of our faithful shifters is going to Wichita to be closer to her boyfriend--do RNs need a better excuse to drink? Myself, I'm hijacking onto that party because yours truly is leaving for the ER (or ED if you're hip to the lingo). With any luck I won't turn into a cynical asshole like so many other ED RNs. Sorry, more of a cynical asshole.

*shortly after arriving to casa de H-train, No nickname friend discovered that I was going regimental. (That's commando for those of you who don't own a kilt.) By shortly, I mean within a minute of walking in the door. Anyway, several beers later, and egged on by Tweener and her SO, No nickname reached her hand up my sorts to try and touch package....

Friday, May 2, 2008

First Post

Fer godsakes people, crack a book once in a while!

The other day in the weight room one of the football players made this comment,

"...after you 'jood' me out of that lift." (he was referring to the fact that I had turned down one of his lifts the previous weekend at a weightlifting competition)
Surprising...coming from someone his age (early 20s)
Perhaps slightly more surprising... coming from a young black man.
Even more surprising...this took place in the weight room of a private, Christian college.*
I took the opportunity to educate the young man on the error of his way, pointing out that it was, in fact, a slur.
" No, no, no." he says, "Not jewed. 'Jood,' J-U-D."
"Yes," I said. "You mean 'like a jew.' That's where it comes from."
"No, J-U-D. I mean like you cheated me out of something."

Oy vey! (And I'm not even one of the chosen.) I went on to explain the context and historical stereotyping of the phrase, I hope, to his betterment.

People today have no sense of perspective.

*to be fair? This is a small, private, conservative, Christian college in small, conservative, Olathe, KS.